Passion
One of the recurring themes of this little writing experiment so far has been my coming to terms with my life as it is versus my life as I thought it might be.
Or, put another way, I’ve been trying to answer the question: “Why have I been feeling like crap for so long?
Is it the fact I’ve hit middle age? The isolation of the pandemic? Or something else entirely?”
Needless to say, I have spent a lot of time thinking about this over recent months, and I’ve made a lot of progress. I decided to quit my job, which has been wonderful for my outlook on life (even if the last few weeks are dragging on like time has stopped).
But one thought I had today that connects to this whole existential crisis is the idea of passion.
In particular, the things that used to excite me and make me happy, are today met with a combination of boredom and indifference.
Here’s an example to try to make this a bit easier to explain: Technology.
I started my career writing about technology, and I loved it. I bought a PSP in Tokyo for my colleagues at the Official PlayStation magazine when I was on a camera junket back in 2005. I was so excited to unbox it. I think I spent the entire flight back home playing Ridge Racer on it in Japanese, and loving every second of it, despite the hand cramps and jet lag.
I remember watching Steve Jobs announce the very first iPhone. And the first iPad. I’d stayed up until the early hours of the morning to cover the launches for work, but I also did it because I wanted to see them.
Today, a product launch does nothing for me. The thrill of an all-nighter is gone. Even the arrival of a new gaming console does little to spark my interest in the same way it used to.
I think a part of this is that the industry itself is stagnating. We got so used to brands pumping out a slightly new version of a product every 12 months that all the excitement evaporated.
But for me, the problem is that I haven’t really found any new passions to replace the old ones. So while my love for tech has dwindled, I haven’t found a newfound passion for crocheting or bushwalking.
And what’s worse is that it’s not just one passion that has evaporated, it’s multiple. I used to love drinking craft beer. Now, I’m lucky if I drink one beer a month (or any other alcohol for that matter).
I used to try to go camping, but with the combination of the pandemic and the weather we’ve had over the past couple of years, we haven’t really done much of that for ages.
(The one thing I have started doing is buying and playing board games, and that has been great. But generally speaking, I don’t have the time to invest in playing these games as much as I would like.)
And now because I have recognised that I don’t really have much that excites me anymore, any hobbies that I feel passionately about, I know what I need to do.
I need to find my new passions.
I have to find new hobbies that excite me. Hobbies that I can’t wait to do again and again. Hobbies that remind me that I am alive and that every moment I spend enjoying them reinforce the joy of being alive.
So…
Does anybody have any suggestions?